The concept of “push presents” – gifts bestowed upon new mothers by their partners to commemorate childbirth – has sparked a spirited debate.
It’s a new idea, and that makes many people including myself sceptical. Is this a real or necessary thing, or a ploy by a marketing company somewhere to increase sales of diamonds?
While some view it as a heartwarming tradition, others perceive it as an unnecessary expectation that comes from a place of entitlement.
I wanted to find out more so I did some research and looked into the nuances of this practice, exploring its origins, prevalence, and the diverse perspectives surrounding it.
The Origins of Push Presents
Despite being a new phenomenon, the roots of push presents can be traced back centuries, with some historians attributing its origins to various cultures, including the UK, India, and Egypt.
In these societies, the act of gifting new mothers with jewellery symbolised fertility, strength, and the preciousness of new life.
One notable example is Napoleon’s gift of the Napoleon Diamond Necklace to his wife, Marie Louise, upon the birth of their son in 1811.
A Modern Resurgence
While the tradition of honouring new mothers with gifts has existed for centuries, it was never mainstream. It has experienced a resurgence in popularity in recent decades, particularly in the United States, but it seemed to come out of nowhere.
Several factors have contributed to this trend:
- Word of Mouth and Peer Influence: Until recently, the practice of push presents was primarily passed down through word of mouth or peer pressure among expectant mothers and fathers.
- Increased Assertiveness of Women: Some experts attribute the rise of push presents to the growing assertiveness of women, empowering them to express their desires more openly.
- Greater Involvement of Fathers: As men become more involved in the pregnancy journey, they may be more attuned to the challenges and sacrifices endured by their partners, inspiring them to express their gratitude through a gift.
- Media Influence: The media’s coverage of celebrities receiving extravagant push presents, such as diamond rings or luxury cars, has further fuelled the trend.
So if they were common practice in the past or not is kind of irrelevant, because they are certainly back. For now, at least.
Do Women Want Them?
Despite its growing popularity, the acceptance of push presents remains divided.
A 2004 survey by BabyCenter found that while 38% of new mothers received a push present, and 55% desired one, around 40% believed that the baby itself was already a sufficient gift.
A more recent survey by Today in 2015 revealed that 45% of respondents opposed the custom, 28% supported it, and 26% were unfamiliar with the term “push present.”
These contrasting perspectives highlight the varying cultural and personal attitudes towards this practice.
Perspectives in Favour
Proponents of push presents view them as a thoughtful gesture, acknowledging the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy and childbirth.
They argue that a gift, whether small or extravagant, serves as a tangible expression of gratitude and appreciation for the mother’s sacrifices.
Candice Laurita, a mother of two from New Jersey, embraced the idea of push presents wholeheartedly. She requested specific items from her husband during each pregnancy, including a designer diaper bag and diamond rings symbolising her children. For Laurita, these gifts represented her husband’s recognition of her efforts and the significance of their family.
Perspectives Against
Critics of push presents, however, view the practice as unnecessary or even distasteful. Some argue that the act of giving birth should not be commodified or rewarded, as it is a natural and expected part of parenthood.
Lindsay Satmary from Utah, for instance, considers push presents “silly,” asserting that the best gift is a supportive partner during the challenging journey of pregnancy and childbirth.
Similarly, Ashley Hughes from Florida strongly opposes the term “push present,” stating that the baby itself is the most wonderful gift she could ever want.
Do You Have To Give One?
Ultimately, the decision to give or receive a push present should stem from a genuine desire to express appreciation and celebrate the momentous occasion of childbirth.
It should not be driven by societal pressure, marketing tactics, or a sense of obligation. If those are your reasons for buying a gift for your partner, then you might want to rethink.
As Jacqueline Whitmore, an etiquette expert, notes, “Push presents are becoming more popular in the U.S. It can be given before the baby is born, or even right in the delivery room. It’s a nice gesture, not to be confused with an obligation.”
While some couples embrace push presents as a meaningful tradition, others perceive it as an unnecessary expectation or a marketing ploy. You need to decide what feels right to you.
Etiquette experts suggest that there are no set guidelines for push presents, emphasising that it is a personal choice between partners.
Pamela Holland, another etiquette expert, states, “The standard is that there is no standard. It does make sense to have etiquette around wedding or baby shower gifts because you’re inviting other people into it. But this is far too intimate to have a rule.”
Whether one chooses to embrace or forgo the tradition of push presents, the most significant aspect of the experience lies in the joy of welcoming a new life into the world and embarking on the transformative journey of parenthood.
