An accent waiting to happen

 talking  3 Responses »
Apr 212014
 

Image of Thomas the Tank Engine and a toddler talking to each other with American slang in the speech bubbles.

As I alluded to in a recent post, Dylan has started to pick up a bit of a transatlantic twang thanks to certain films and cartoons that he watches rather a lot. It was just the repetition of odd phrases at first, but he’s now experimenting with his pronunciation of other words in a different accent. And much as I love colloquialisms, I have to admit that the American drawl that is invading his vocabulary is starting to bother me.

When he’s annoyed, he either sings the lyric “You greedy dirtbag!” from The Lorax – which, by the way, is a wonderful film that I think highly of – or says “Reach for the sky” in the same menacing way that Woody does when scaring the living shit out of Sid in the first Toy Story film – which, by the way, I once thought was a wonderful film, until I saw it for the 97th time. Both with heavy accents. He also refers to groups of inanimate objects as “these guys” and has taken to calling me “big buddy”. I have no idea where that one came from.

I know it’s our own fault in part. Although we gently correct him every time he sounds like he’s from West Side Story or Deliverance – it varies from day to day – we’ve inadvertently reinforced it by getting him an educational tablet for Christmas which, of course, is voiced almost entirely by Americans. In the case of the Toy Story cartridge he was given so as not to feel left out on Xander’s birthday, it’s fair enough but why something as quintessentially English as Thomas the Tank Engine has to sound like he’s from the States is both beyond me and intensely annoying.

We also have a training toilet that plays music, sings and congratulates toddlers on their progress. And yes, that’s in American too. It wasn’t advertised as such, of course. One of the lyrics is “going potty’s just so great”; now I’m lucky enough not to have had mental health issues, but I’m pretty sure that our definition of ‘going potty’ is anything but ‘great’. So you can add things getting lost in translation to the irritation too. 

This probably sounds like I haven’t got much time for our American cousins, far from it; without them we wouldn’t have The Walking Dead – which I sometimes love more than life itself – Terry Gilliam, Converse, the BritMums community – of course! – Bob Dylan and arrogantly big pizzas to name but a few things I love. It’s just that I want my children to speak how we speak. If I were American, I’d be just as irritated if my kids sounded like they were from Downton Abbey!

I suppose we should have seen this all coming from day one – he was born on Independence Day and has an Uncle Sam.

What do you think? Am I on my own here, or do you get irritated by such things too?

 Posted by at 11:47 am

School daze

 school  10 Responses »
Apr 182014
 

Three red signs, each with the word 'wait' on them.

Us Brits are good at waiting for things – we endure apparently endless summers characterised by rain and disappointment in the vain hope that there will be a couple of weeks of sunshine at the end of it, we’re all patiently looking forward to the day that David Cameron and his equally clueless friends fuck off and, if we see a queue for something, we join it. It doesn’t matter what the queue is actually for, it’s in our DNA to stand in line for an interminable amount of time. We even voted Waiting for Godot the most important play of the 20th century, so something about sitting around waiting for nothing to happen is obviously something that strikes a chord with us. Speaking of which, Wednesday was one of the longest days of my life as Kate and I nervously sat by the email inbox hitting the F5 key ad nauseam hoping for news of Dylan’s primary school place.

My sister, who lives in another county, got an email at 6am informing her that her little lad, Jack, had been given their first choice. With the local council’s website seemingly blissfully oblivious and the previous correspondence we’d received simply telling us the date we would hear, we turned to social media to see if anyone else had received any news. Just about everyone I knew around the country had heard first thing. Some had been given a set time for later in the day when information would be forthcoming but, for the most part, people knew where their kids were going in September. Everyone, it seemed, except for people in East Sussex. Well, that’s not entirely true… the local paper knew how many had got their first choice, so the information was available.

Finally there was some news. It was late morning and the council Facebook page carried what seemed to be a hastily written update saying that emails and letters would be sent out late afternoon. Nothing on email or their own site – or Twitter, for that matter either – just a Facebook update. As both a concerned parent and experienced communications professional, I was tearing my hair out but I suppose it was something.

A few hours later and after much pacing around the living room doing irreversible damage to the carpet in the process, we got an email. We got Dylan’s first choice. Just as well as it was our only choice because we don’t drive! Phew. We slumped into the sofa, relieved. I think I lost a stone as well as most of my fingernails and am also contemplating buying some Just For Men to disguise the greys that have started to appear at my temples, but we got the news we wanted. Eventually.

We told Dylan the good news. “That’s nice. Can I watch Monsters Inc?” he said.

 Posted by at 5:12 pm

Sponsored post: a ferry nice way to travel!

 ferry, France, infographic  2 Responses »
Apr 142014
 

As I mentioned in my last post, we’re off on our first holiday abroad as a family this summer. We’re going to France and I’m really looking forward to it. Well I’m looking forward to the being there side of things anyway. The getting there bit is going to be stressful – if only I’d have seen this infographic from Brittany Ferries before booking our flights to Bordeaux!

I’m not just saying this because the purpose of this post is to show how many advantages there are to taking a ferry instead of a plane, but I’m genuinely dreading the prospect of Dylan and Xander at a great altitude. I haven’t worked out which one I’m most concerned about yet as they will both present their own bespoke problems, but getting them on it is going to be a similar experience to that of The A-Team on those occasions in which they needed B. A. to board a flight. Now where’s that glass of milk, eh?

So what are the benefits of taking a ferry to France as opposed to a plane? Well, to be honest, what aren’t? It takes less time for starters plus there’s the massive bonus of space. We’re talking actual leg room and as much luggage as you can cram into your car, which can’t be bad. Though if I drove, I’d be travelling light so as to keep room for a few cases of red. Well, it would be rude not to.

We used to go to France every summer when I was a kid and it was always by ferry. I really looked forward to the adventure that was being able to walk around the boat doing different things and seeing who could spot land first. It would be nice for my two to experience it too so I think we’ll definitely go by ferry next time – if they’re not too much of a nightmare this summer that is!

Ferry to France vs Plane

Image source: Brittany Ferries – Ferry VS Plane to France

This is a sponsored post. All of the opinions expressed in it – including the belief that my sons are going to act like Mr T – are my own.

 Posted by at 2:18 pm

My toddler photo machine hell

 photo machine  15 Responses »
Apr 112014
 
Two little boys looking unhappy next to a photo machine

If you think they look upset, you should have seen us!

We’re going to France on our first family holiday later this year. We’ve got most things sorted but passports for Dylan and Xander were still on the ‘to do’ list, so we’ve been dutifully knuckling down and filling in all the relevant paperwork with the associated fear of getting things wrong firmly in mind. I think one of the reasons we’d been unconsciously putting it off – apart from the fact that passports for young children are ridiculous and nothing more than a cynical way of making money – was the tricky issue of getting two under fours to sit still and look ahead for ten seconds. Yes, it was time to get their photos done.

As usual, the cause of the woe was entirely our own fault. Sensible parents would have taken their little darlings to a shop that offers passport photography as a service, but that would have been too easy and we thought we’d go for the slightly cheaper option. Big mistake.

We made our first attempt last week in a slightly older photo machine that was randomly tucked away in a newsagent. It only allowed three attempts, but we figured that we could get Dylan to play ball by the time the final shot was taken, so we gave it a go. After much turning of the stool to raise it to its highest level – and having to put it back after completely unscrewing it in the process – we were ready to start. We made him take off his coat and, after laughing rather too much at the coincidental fact that he had a Superman T-shirt on underneath, got him to look forward. He was still too low down. Bollocks. Undeterred, I crouched in the footwell, hid my hands under his T-shirt and lifted him to the correct height. He looked forward, Kate leaned in and pressed the button then quickly shut the curtain and the photo was taken. Just as he looked round to see why Kate had shut the curtain.

Take two. He looked at Kate again. One attempt left; to make sure he stayed in place, Kate concealed her arm behind him to gently keep his face pointing in the correct direction. The photo was taken and, at last, he was perfectly framed. He looked terrified, but that would do. We printed it and then noticed that Kate’s thumb was visible on his shoulder. Fuck it!

Fast forward to this week and we tried again. This time at an all-singing, all-dancing photo machine in Eastbourne Arndale Centre. It had a camera that moved, negating the need to adjust seats as well as the opportunity to take as many photos as you like before settling on one and taking your money. First up was Dylan. We adjusted the camera and he was still too short. Never mind, we had bags and coats he could sit on. One problem solved. Unfortunately, the machine also showed a live video image of the subject which, to young children, is an invitation to pull silly faces. And he did. For about ten minutes. When he had exhausted his repertoire of expressions, he started to get the idea and looked forward with his head in the correct position. Only he looked at the image of himself below the camera rather than at the camera itself.

Once we’d talked him round, he did look at the camera, but kept smiling and saying “cheeeeeeeese!”. My head was starting to hurt. Somehow or other though, we eventually caught him looking both in the correct direction and in between grins. It was the perfect shot. I went to put my debit card in to pay for the photo, only to discover that the chip and pin machine had the smallest of signs – on a see-through sticker, no less – stating that it was out of order and only accepting cash. Shit! We didn’t have any. Kate ran off to the nearest bank while I simultaneously jealously guarded the machine from other people who wanted to use it and tried to appease Xander who was starting to kick off. Thankfully, Kate made it back in time and the pictures were paid for, printed and in our possession. Just Xander to go then.

Even with the camera adjusted and all our bags and coats on the seat, the little man was still too low down. I reprised my role of man on the floor – which, by the way was agony as it had raised metal dots which left marks in my knees that stayed for hours – only to find that I was getting in the shot by holding him in position. We got him to stand on the seat and, with the same body language as the Tottenham players in the tunnel before their recent humiliation at Anfield, he leant back against the wall.

This didn’t bode well, but at least he was lined up properly. We explained what to do and I stayed in the footwell to keep him company. He seemed to get half the idea, but kept leaning forwards and turning his head to one side in the same way that Liam Gallagher does at the microphone. Straightening him up resulted in a tantrum and bribery with sweets before, finally and by complete fluke, we caught him in between expressions and not quite looking in the right direction, but with his eyes open. Hurrah!

This whole sorry episode took an hour. We didn’t bother doing the shopping we’d gone in to Eastbourne to do afterwards. Our children had broken us. Now we just need to hope that the passport office accepts the images…

 Posted by at 2:34 pm

Review: Rainforest Adventure, Sea Life Brighton

 Brighton, review, Sea Life  2 Responses »
Apr 092014
 

A terrapin swimming and looking at the camera.

We visited Sea Life Brighton for a review last year and really enjoyed ourselves so, when they got in touch to ask if we’d like to go back for a preview of their new Rainforest Adventure exhibit, we jumped at the chance – fortuitously, this took place on Xander’s birthday, so that was the family day out we’d been hoping for sorted out too. Nice one!

The main attraction in the new section is a seven-foot anaconda which, when we visited, seemed quite happy to blend in with the other residents of the centre by slithering around underwater. If you’re not a fan of snakes, you may want to quickly skip the photo immediately below this paragraph! I’m not particularly afraid of them, but it was quite an arresting sight to see a predator of this size lurking in the depths waiting for her prey!

A seven-foot anaconda swimming underwater

Younger visitors can make their entrance to the new section by clambering through mangrove roots and there are also small tunnels with domed viewing windows for them to get as close as they dare to the deadly snake as well as to the altogether-more-approachable terrapins. The ground beneath our feet had been transformed into a forest floor and, of course, it was rather humid too. This all contributed to make it an immersive experience from the off and I also liked the way that the Victorian architecture of the centre – which, by the way, is the world’s oldest aquarium – had been made to look like Aztec temples. Very cleverly done!

A child looking through mangrove roots.

Other Amazonian creatures on display include terrapins, turtles and piranhas – which, apparently aren’t as fierce as certain 3D films would have us believe; I decided to take their word for that rather than put it to the test though – with poison dart frogs set to take up residence soon too.

Piranhas swimming in a tank.

We all enjoyed the day out and would recommend a visit if you’re on the lookout for somewhere to take the kids during the Easter holidays. Bear in mind that there’s a plethora of other underwater creatures to meet while you’re there too, including sharks, sea turtles, octopuses and rays.

Tickets start at £9.95 per person if you go in a group and £11.95 if you’re going on your own with savings of up to 30% available if you book online.

 Posted by at 4:42 pm

It’s Male Cancer Awareness Week – check ‘em!

 Cancer  2 Responses »
Apr 072014
 

An infographic showing statistics about male cancer awareness.

Listen up people – the chaps among you in particular – it’s Male Cancer Awareness Week and, according to a survey by male cancer charity Orchid, awareness of testicular cancer in particular is pretty low in some circles with two thirds of men not sure how to check themselves for signs of the disease.

The survey – which was completed by 3,000 men – was commissioned in order to establish how ‘in touch’ those of us with Y chromosomes are with the family jewels and, as well as finding that many more of us need to swat up on what to look for, there were some other surprising statistics based on various social and environmental factors. Here are some examples:

-          Single men are less likely to recognise the signs and symptoms  of testicular cancer

-          Office workers are least likely to regularly check themselves

-          Tabloid readers appear to be more aware and likely to check for lumps and bumps

-          One in three men would tell their mum or partner if they found a lump, rather than their GP

-          Manual workers are most likely to ignore early symptoms of testicular cancer

-          London men are less ‘ball’ aware than other areas of the UK.

Apparently, if it’s caught early, testicular cancer can be 98% curable. Sadly it seems that too many men delay seeking an early diagnosis meaning that, if they are suffering from the disease, there’s more chance of it spreading and of less chance of treatment being effective.

One of the reasons I participate in Movember every year is because I once had a scare. I got it checked out by my GP and had a scan too and, fortunately, it was a false alarm. I’m not going to lie; it was a horribly embarrassing and awkward experience, but I’ll do it all again if I’m ever in any doubt. I’d rather be embarrassed than seriously ill.

If you don’t know how to check for signs of testicular cancer, this guide should be of use. Also, Orchid is today launching its first confidential, freephone National Male Cancer Helpline. It is staffed by male cancer information nurse specialists every Monday and Wednesday from 10am-5pm on 0808 802 0010. They can also be contacted via a new email service at helpline@orchid-cancer.org.uk.

 Posted by at 9:06 am

Two!

 Uncategorized  2 Responses »
Apr 042014
 

A happy little boy on his trike.

Somehow or other, we have a two-year-old boy once again. I’m really not sure where the time has gone – or why the little man still isn’t sleeping through the night, for that matter – but we recently celebrated the two-year anniversary of Xander arriving in the world with such force that he saved me the trouble of cutting the umbilical cord, so he’s definitely a fully-paid-up member of the terrible twos brigade now.

Despite being very aware of most things in life, I don’t think he quite understood what it was all about as he keeps asking when his birthday is going to be – or maybe that’s because he wants more presents – but he certainly enjoyed himself and knew what to do when faced with gifts, candles and cake! He ripped open, blew out and mercilessly devoured them with the great gusto that has become his trademark. Basically, he systematically destroyed the spoils of celebration.

So how has he changed since his last birthday? Well he’s still a force of nature whose party trick is breaking stuff, so things are similar on that front. He’s a lot more talkative though. He was using odd words and phrases at one, but there was nothing resembling conversation. Now, he’s not backward in coming forward about communicating what he wants. Namely food. His first words every morning are either “Is it breakfast time?” or “Got any Jaffa Cakes?” Nothing if not consistent.

He’s also really enjoying books, which is another good thing. I think he sometimes uses them as a delaying tactic at bedtime, but an interest in words and the structure of stories bodes well. He’s shown an interest in drawing and making things too, so he’s seems to be doing well on the creative front.

He is happy to quite literally charge head-first into new things and ask questions later. He’s an ‘in-your-face’ type and has become the family clown – he’s a talented little mischief maker – but is also very sensitive to other people’s feelings. Apart from today when he had a meltdown during Dylan’s end-of-term preschool performance and caused me to miss it. Git.

Despite dabbling in irrational tantrums though, he’s an amazing little lad who’s doing brilliantly and we’re really proud of him. If he could just learn how to sleep through the night by his third birthday, I’d be much obliged.

 Posted by at 4:09 pm

Money-saving tips with Beko

 Uncategorized  8 Responses »
Mar 312014
 
A washing machine

Behold its glory!

As I’m in between jobs at the moment, we’re all about saving money, so when the friendly folk at Beko got in touch to ask if I’d be interested in writing a post about money- and time-saving household tips, I felt well qualified to say yes. In exchange, they gave me one of their 9kg washing machines to review and keep. Very generous! Anyway, on with the tips and interspersed pictures of the machine…

Bundle it!
Okay, strictly speaking, this isn’t really a household tip but it’s saved us money so I’m including it. We recently moved our internet, phone and television to one provider. We were paying too much for ours and are now saving well over £20 a month. Admittedly, we could save even more by getting rid of the sports channels, but I’d never do that! I would miss watching my team dash my hopes of glory every season.

Close up of large washing machine drum with washing in it.

And speaking of bundles, you can get loads of up to 9kg in the large drum

Order groceries online
This is probably preaching to the converted but, in case not, it’s well worth considering. As well as removing the stress of running the gauntlet of people who are armed with trollies and have no sense of direction, ordering your shopping online is a great time and money saver. It removes the temptation of buying random things because you’re hungry and they’re right in front of you, and helps you stick to a weekly budget too. You can also buy a delivery pass to save money on deliveries and choose times that are most convenient for you. Plus, if you’re the sort who drives – I’m not – it’ll save you a fair bit in petrol too.

Experiment in the kitchen
Not like that. Tsk. No, experimenting with different ingredients in home-cooked meals can make savings that add up over the year. For example, we often replace beef mince in lasagne and spaghetti bolognese with turkey mince. It’s much cheaper and better for you plus you won’t notice the difference in taste if you have a nice sauce. Speaking of which, making your own instead of buying them literally saves a packet!

Close up of a washing machine being switched on.

And on the subject of experimenting, there are several cycles to choose from, making it easier to save time and money

Switch off
Even when appliances are on standby, they’re still stealthily using electricity so we always switch them off if they’re not needed. The only things that are always on, in fact, are the fridge/freezer and Sky box. Similarly, we always unplug phone and tablet chargers when they’re not in use. I looked this up online to see how much we save on this basis and the general consensus on the sites I visited seemed to be around £40 a year, which is well worth having!

Use energy efficient appliances
As well as being kinder to the environment, appliances that have been designed to use less energy can save you money. Just plucking an example out of thin air here, the Beko washing machine I’ve been given to review is a great example. It can do loads of up to 9kg, is quiet – so you could use its time delay function to put it on at night to save even more money and not worry about it disturbing people – and has an EcoSmart rating of A++. Apparently, it could save you £84 – or 119 washes – in a year.

The interactive LCD display is clear and easy to follow too – you could almost say it’s child’s play, but given Xander’s past indiscretions with washing machines, we’re limiting his part in the chores to unloading it when it’s done. I suppose that’s another way of saving time at least as well – as long as the clean clothes end up in the basket rather than on the floor…

A toddler trying to hide in a washing machine.

What a helpful boy!

We’re very impressed with it and are confident that it will save plenty of money through the year, so I’m very happy to recommend it. Beko 9kg washing machines are available from various retailers from £299 – money that I imagine would be made back in associated savings very quickly. It’s well worth considering if you’re on the lookout for a new machine.

 Posted by at 10:31 am
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