For kids, Halloween is the one night of the year when they get free sweets as a reward for dressing up and trying to make people jump. What could be better? It’s great for Dads too, because let’s be honest, we all steal half of those sweets for ourselves over the following week.
But best of all, you get a steady stream of people knocking on your door all night who want something from you. Treats. It’s a fair trade, they can have some Halloween treats, but first, they have to listen to one of your Halloween Dad jokes. A ready made attentive audience for your cheesiest puns – it’s perfect!
I’ve got some scarily good examples of Halloween themed Dad jokes below, so if a couple of zombies show up at your door this Halloween, you can make them groan for a different reason.
Best Halloween Dad Jokes
What is a witch’s favourite subject in school?
Spelling.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with.
How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle his funny bone.
What’s a ghost’s favourite Halloween game?
Hide and shriek.
What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
Broommates.
Why don’t mummies like to go on vacation?
They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
What ran all the way around the haunted house?
A fence.
What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
It’s just a joke – you don’t have to cry about it.
Why do demons and ghouls get on so well?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
The scarecrow didn’t need any Halloween candy…
he was already stuffed.
Why are skeletons so relaxed?
Nothing can get under their skin.
What happened to the guy who didn’t pay his exorcist?
He was “repossessed”.
What’s a vampires least favourite food?
Stake.
Two skeletons walk into a pub. One says the the bartender:
“I’ll have two beers and mop”
Why did the skeleton quit her job?
Her heart just wasn’t in it.
Ghosts are terrible liars.
You can see right through them.
Why are witches rubbish at baseball?
Because their bats always fly away.
Why did the twin witches do so badly in English class?
They never know which witch is which.
What does it feel like to get kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
Who sells vampires’ favourite cookies?
The Ghoul Scouts.
Why was the mummy still single?
He was too wrapped up in himself.
What do ghosts have in their noses?
Boo-gers!
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted to scare people stiff.
What is a ghost’s favourite dessert?
I-scream!
What kind of horse does a ghost ride?
A night-mare.
Where does a mummy go for vacation?
The Dead Sea.
What do you get when you burn a monster in Budapest?
Hungarian ghoul ash.
Why do ghosts speak Latin?
Because it’s a dead language.
What do short-sighted ghouls wear?
Spooktacles.
What’s a ghost’s favourite nursery rhyme?
Little BOO Peep.
What does a ghost do when he gets in the car?
Puts on his sheet belt.
Why do ghosts hate rainy Halloweens?
It dampens their spirits.
What kind of boats do vampires travel in?
Blood vessels.
Why did the monster go to the barber?
Because they needed a scare cut.
Why did the ghost go to the party?
To booooogie.
What do chicks say on Halloween?
Trick or tweet.
What do monsters drink their beer from?
A franken-stien.
What instrument is a skeleton’s favourite?
A trom-bone.
What’s it called when you go number 1 in a haunted bathroom?
A creepy peepee.
What’s number 2?
A spooky poopie.
Why did the cyclops give up teaching?
They only had one pupil.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
What do witches use to keep their hair up?
Scare spray.
Why did the zombie go to school?
He wanted to improve his “dead-ucation.”
What room does a ghost not need?
A living room.
What’s a skeleton’s least favourite room in the house?
The living room.
Why did Dracula become a teacher?
Because he wanted to help others “count.”
Why did the witch stay in school?
To improve her witch-craft.
How do ghosts wash their hair?
With shamboo!