There is no better time of the year to bust out the Dad jokes than at Christmas. Corny jokes are practically invited at this time of year. They’re everywhere!
Go to any pantomime and it will be full of groan inducing funnies, the TV adverts are puntastic as it’s possible to be, and even when you sit down to enjoym your Christmas dinner and pull a cracker, what happens? A Dad joke falls out, as well as a few other bits.
We dads are like a human Christmas cracker – but the paper hat and pointless gift are replaced with even more extra corny jokes.
I love winding up my family at Christmas with some of my stinkiest, most awful jokes. The ones I keep in my back pocket all year round, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to crack it out and embarrass everybody.
These are some of the best, and you are welcome to steal them. Consider it my Christmas gift to you.
Have a punny Christmas!
The Best Christmas Themed Dad Jokes
What did Frosty’s girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?
The cold shoulder.
What do gingerbread men use when they break their legs?
Candy canes.
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.
How did the reindeer learn to play piano?
He was elf-taught.
What did the snowman say to the carrot?
“Get out of my face.”
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Why shouldn’t you lend money to elves?
They’re always short.
Why did the Little Drummer Boy put his drum to bed?
It was beat.
Why are mummies such big fans of Christmas?
Because they enjoy wrapping.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Rude-olph.
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
“Stick with me and we’ll go places”
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
What’s every elf’s favourite type of music?
Wrap.
What kind of photos do elves take?
Elfies.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceberg-ers.
What do you call an elf who only ever thinks of himself?
Elfish.
Why did Frosty’s girlfriend break up with him?
He was a total flake.
What’s every parent’s favourite Christmas Carol?
Silent Night.
Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer.
What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas?
“’Tis the season to be jelly.”
Why wouldn’t Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant?
It cost a pretty penne.
What is a Christmas carol that you can sing to fruits?
“Have Yourself A Berry Little Christmas.”
Why do reindeer like Mrs. Claus so much?
She sleighs.
Why did the snowman get lost?
He didn’t snow his way home.
What is the coldest month of the year?
It’s Decembrrr.
Why are elves such great motivational speakers?
They have plenty of elf-confidence.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown.
Did you hear about the advent calendar thief?
He got 365 days.
What’s a dog’s favourite Christmas treat?
Candy canines.
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
Only 25 — there’s No L.
Where did the mistletoe go to become famous?
Holly-wood.
What do you call it after all the gifts for Christmas have been opened?
Christmess.
What do you call Santa when he’s broke and has no money?
Saint Nickel-less.
Why is Rudolph so good at answering trivia questions?
He nose a lot.
What did one Christmas tree say to its friend when it was too serious?
“Lighten up”
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she noticed clouds in the sky?
“Looks like rein, deer”
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?
A mistle-toad.
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle.
What is Santa’s nationality?
He’s North Pole-ish.
How does Santa take photos?
With a Pole-aroid camera.
Why did Rudolph have to attend summer school?
Because he went down in history.
What’s the difference between a knight and Santa’s reindeer?
The knight is slayin’ the dragon, and the reindeer are draggin’ the sleigh.
What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm?
“May the forest be with you”
Which of Santa’s reindeer do dinosaurs hate?
Comet.
Where does Santa keep his suit?
In the Clause-it.