Not the most obvious arena for cringy funnies perhaps, but Science Dad jokes can come in handy in all sorts of situations.
Helping the kids with some dull homework? Throw in a science Dad joke to lighten the mood. Meet a boring boffin at a party who won’t stop talking to you about his latest research? A sciencey Dad joke will shatter the illusion that you are interested, and they will quickly seek someone else to bore.
Science may be able to explain the wonders of the universe, but it can’t explain why Dads enjoy Dad jokes so much. The perfect joke for Dads contains just the right mix of punnery, wordplay, a groanworthy punchlines. Get the formula right, and the result is a kind of alchemy that is difficult to beat.
So next time you’re speaking to your child’s science teacher at parents’ evening, embarrass them both at the same time with one of these absolute bangers.
Best Science Dad Jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer.
The bartender says, “For you, no charge”
Did you hear about the physicist who chilled himself to absolute zero?
He’s 0 K now.
Two hydrogen atoms are walking; one says, “I’ve lost an electron.”
The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yeah, I’m positive.”
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks about luggage.
The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Don’t trust atoms—
they make up everything.
If you’re not part of the solution,
you’re the precipitate.
They’ve added something new to the periodic table.
That was an element of surprise.
I was reading a book on helium.
I couldn’t put it down.
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
Two blood cells met and fell in love;
alas, it was all in vein.
What do you call a biologist’s self-portrait?
A cell-fie.
What do protons and life coaches have in common?
They know how to stay positive.
Why did the physicist break up with the biologist?
There was no chemistry.
Why do plants hate algebra?
It gives them square roots.
What did one DNA say to the other?
“Do these genes make me look fat?”
Why did the amoeba fail its math test?
Because it multiplied by dividing.
Why is the pH of YouTube very stable?
Because it constantly buffers.
What do chemists call someone with attitude?
A-mean-oh acid.
Why are chemists good problem solvers?
They have all the solutions.
Where did the chemist have lunch?
On a periodic table.
Why is combining a proton and an electron to make a neutron so popular?
Because it’s free of charge.
What’s a pirate’s favourite element?
Aaaargon
Why do chemists love nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium.
Why do elements make terrible friends?
They’re always reacting.
Why did sodium break up with chlorine?
Because it felt salty.
Why was the molecule so calm?
It was in a stable relationship.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other?
“Sorry… my fault.”
What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite.
Why don’t geologists like scary movies?
Because they’re petrified.
How do geologists ask each other out?
“Are you a carbon sample? Because I’d love to date you.”
Mountains aren’t just funny…
they’re hill-arious.
What’s a geologist’s favourite type of music?
Rock.
Why are some rocks so easygoing?
They’re sedimentary, my dear.
Why can’t you play hide-and-seek with a mountain?
It always peaks.
What do protesters chant outside a physics lab?
“What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? Irrelevant!”
Since light travels faster than sound…
people may appear bright until you hear them speak.
Why is the dieting advice “eat light” dangerous?
That’s how you become a black hole.