Five world records my kids could set

A plastic medal that could be awarded to one of my kids for setting unlikely new world records.

Like most kids, my three love looking through the Guinness Book of Records and get it every year without fail. I used the word ‘fail’ in the previous sentence somewhat unconsciously as I’ve actually been party to two unsuccessful world record attempts myself.

For the non-record, one was for the largest gathering of people dressed up as cats for a charity I worked for and the other was the longest game of head tennis at the Copa Coca-Cola.

Anyway, I reckon my kids can do better than me and here are the proud titles I’m sure they could achieve.

Watching Encanto

Nobody has watched Encanto more than youngest. I guarantee you. Not even the people who made it. She merrily watches it every day if she can get away with it and rewatches favourite songs in the same sitting.

It’s a wonderful film, to be fair, but each rendition of We Don’t Talk About Bruno has caused me to use the phrase “chinny reckon” much more often than usual. Come to think of it, that could be a record too…

Most teeth swallowed

This isn’t as macabre as it sounds. Oldest has somehow managed to accidentally swallow no fewer than four of his own milk teeth when they fell out. It would have been five, but that one ended up in a meatball the cat stole from his plate. No, really.

Luckily for us, the tooth fairy was very understanding and paid up in full on every occasion.

Most items broken in 10 years

The nine-year-old is fast approaching double figures and has more than made his mark in that time. He broke his umbilical cord when he was born and has permanently damaged something pretty much every week since.

His demolition derby shows no sign of stopping and his victims include a toilet seat, baby monitor and Google Nexus tablet all before he turned two. Quite impressive really

Longest time taken to eat a meal

Youngest can make food last longer than Tupperware. Clearly, she has taken the saying about breakfast being the most important meal of the day very seriously. Honestly, the first few bites have probably fully digested by the time she’s finished.

Her personal best – or should that be ‘personal worst’? – for consuming one Weetabix with chopped banana followed by a slice of toast sits at around the time it takes the average football match.

Longest parental sleep deprivation achieved

And finally, a team event in which the kids are the winners and we’re the losers – in a manner of speaking. You see, they handed the refusal to sleep baton down to one another in turn.

To make matters worse, two out of three of them didn’t go through the night until they were four. This resulted in 10 consecutive years of sleep deprivation for us. Yay!

Which world records could your kids set?

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