Hell’s teeth! Five dental disasters

A toothbrush - a great way of avoiding dental disasters!

Yesterday, the eight-year-old lost one of his milk teeth. You like stories, I know. But there’s a bit more to this one. You see, I was partially responsible.

It was the latest in a line of unusual family moments involving gnashers. So, starting with my latest parenting fail, here are five dental disasters.

And I promise that I’m telling the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth. Sorry, not sorry.

An amazing dribble

As a Spurs fan, I’m firmly of the opinion that Ricky Villa’s solo effort in 1981 is the greatest FA Cup Final goal of all time. And what self-respecting supporter wouldn’t seek to re-enact it for their kids?

My attempt at recreating this iconic dribble resulted in… well, dribble. I’d given both oldest and youngest the slip and was about to cut inside and finish low into the corner. But their fearless sibling wasn’t going to shy away from a tackle.

I clattered into him and we both hit the deck. He got straight up, dusted himself down and gave me a grin which didn’t quite look right. Oops.

Meatball madness

I’ve already told this one four years ago, but it’s worthy of a repeat. Oldest was eating his dinner and, being something of a ditherer, had been distracted from the job in hand.

Spying an opportunity our cat jumped onto the table, stole his last meatball and devoured it mercilessly.

It was only then that we realised that he had just lost his first tooth. It was nowhere to be found, so we can only assume the cat ate it. Poor tooth fairy…

Who ate all the teeth?

They say lightning never strikes twice, but ‘they’ have obviously never met oldest. Not to be outdone by the cat, he has since swallowed no fewer than four of his teeth.

Yes, really. Dental disasters like this are semi-regular occurrences in our house. Like looking for the radiator bleeding key.

Maybe it’s to stop the pilfering puss getting them. Or perhaps it’s down to his aforementioned dithering. But, either way, I admire his consistency.

Of Prometheus and premolars

Returning to the eight-year-old now, he has a knack of accidentally stealing thunder. Our little Prometheus did this on the very day he was born. He broke his umbilical cord on the way out,  saving me the symbolic role of cutting it.

He’s innocently done little things like this ever since. The most recent of which was on the day we moved home. It was bedtime too, of course. So, as well as frantically looking for everything else, we ended up desperately seeking a pound coin.

Bop in the chops

Back to oldest now and a tale that doesn’t involve family members unwittingly ingesting teeth. He had a wobbly one that just wouldn’t budge. The subject of string and door handles came up, but I wasn’t keen on him trying that.

“That’s a silly idea – you might as well just punch yourself in the mouth,” I said, sarcastically. But not sarcastically enough.

Like something out of Jackass, he promptly bopped himself in the chops, spat out the tooth and giggled in awe. It was appalling and strangely impressive in equal measure.

So there you go – just a few of the dental disasters we’ve endured to date.

And youngest hasn’t lost any of her teeth yet…


  1. John Adams

    Oh Tom this made me laugh. Had a few dental disaster in our house, the main one being when the kids were playing and youngest snapped the eldest’s first ever adult tooth in half. That was fun to deal with.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.