I’ve come to the conclusion that kids are weird. It has taken me nine years and three children to reach this verdict, but I definitely believe it to be the case.
Of course, I’ve long suspected young humans of being a bit odd and have witnessed plenty of compelling evidence since becoming a dad – including numerous abandoned play scenes – but recent events have confirmed it.
A month or so ago, all three of my kids were playing in the back garden while I was washing up at the kitchen sink and keeping half an eye on them.
At one point, I looked up to witness the strange and somewhat disturbing scene pictured above. I like to refer to it as ‘three sheets to the wind’.
I don’t really have anything else to add to this, but feel that this image alone supports my claim that kids are weird.
Then, earlier this week, youngest did something decidedly unusual. It was breakfast time and, as normal, she wanted Weetabix. I was about to pour on some milk when she shouted at me to stop.
She didn’t want milk on it. A conversation about the merits of moistening notoriously dry food followed but she wasn’t having any of it. So I let her have it dry, almost smugly confident she’d back down after the first bite.
She ate the whole thing. Raw Weetabix. As if it were a slice of toast. Man alive. Obviously, she wanted to prove a point. Quite what the point was is beyond me and, while I was strangely impressed, it was undeniably weird.
Sticking with youngest, it’s her birthday next month and she’s not backward in coming forward about what she wants for it. Which is basically everything she sees, anywhere.
Only, you have to take what she says with a pinch of salt as one recent example proves. In the same breath, she told us that she really wants some fairy wings and that she’s sick of dressing up as a fairy. Maybe we’ll just buy her one wing.
One final example that helped me reach my conclusion, now. Around a month ago, we went for a family day out that involved a film and a nice meal.
When chatting about their personal highlights for the day, all three were unanimous. Getting new pants from Primark. Maybe they’re looking forward to them being on the washing line?
When you add these incidents to numerous others, including the strange Transatlantic accents they all adopt while playing, it’s hard to deny that kids are weird.
Now, all that remains is to establish whether it’s just my three…