Five workplace policies I would fall foul of at home

A broken pencil as a visual metaphor for failing to comply with workplace policies.

I’ve been busy getting settling in my new job this week. As is the case in most workplaces these days, the majority of my time so far has been spent completing all the necessary training tasks.

This got me thinking: what if the workplace policies, procedures and practices I’ve been ticking off the to-do list applied to being a parent?

Before we start, I should probably mention that the following statements do not necessarily represent the views of my employer. Just to show that I paid keen attention to mentions about personal blog and social media use.

Anyway, if workplace policies applied at home, I think I would fall foul of a few…

Anti-bribery

Any self-respecting parent knows the vital role that bribery plays in getting toddlers to eat anything other than sausages, stay in their own beds and plenty more besides.

It goes hand in hand with empty threats as part of a tried-and-trusted strategy. So that’s one act of non-compliance already.

Complaints handling

Kids are highly adept at registering their dissatisfaction with things and it makes sense to deal with their complaints in a calm, professional fashion.

But there’s only so much any of us can take before we resort to lines like “because I said so” as well as muttering the long-form of FFS under our breath.

Health and safety

One of the training modules I completed included how to sit down safely to avoid injury or long-term backache. I’m not knocking that – it’s important stuff.

But enforcing it at home is another matter. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to tell the seven-year-old to do so properly without him listening. I’ve said “four legs good, two legs bad” to him more than the characters in Animal Farm and with no success.

Anti-Money laundering

Of course, I’ve never engaged in this serious crime myself – or any crime, for that matter – but must admit to doing something similar in name.

We’ve all forgotten to check pockets for loose change before putting trousers in the washing machine, haven’t we?

Privacy policy

Any workplace worth its salt has a privacy policy – particularly given the data-driven world we now find ourselves in.

There’s no such thing for parents of young children though. It’s pretty much impossible to have a shower without one of my three needing to use the throne immediately to my left. Grim.

Which workplace policies would you fall foul of at home?

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  1. Pingback: Finding my feet in my new job | Family life | Diary of the Dad

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