The Brothers Grim

I’ve always been proud of how creative my kids are. All three of them have brilliant imaginations and come out with some really interesting and funny ideas. Just lately, however, I’ve been a little less enthused.

The fact that they’re clearly ready to return to school may be playing a part here as things have got a little silly.

And when I say silly, I mean scatological. Yes, it seems that the boys can’t go more than half a day without making up stories that involve faecal matter.

‘The Brothers Grim’ as they’re therefore now known can be relied upon to tell poo-themed versions of much-loved fairy tales. Lovely.

Their efforts are somewhat reminiscent of the South Park episode entitled The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs. If you haven’t seen it, Cartman et al write a book with the sole intention of getting it banned.

True, I haven’t thrown up everywhere before proclaiming their works literary genius, but the themes and narrative are similar. In each and every one of my boys’ tales, well-loved characters suffer a fall from grace involving bodily functions.

We read Roald Dahl’s Revolting Rhymes a year or so ago so their memories of it have certainly played a part. But they’ve taken a running jump over the line established by the late, great Mr Dahl.

In one, for example, the giant fells Jack’s beanstalk with a powerful fart. Elsewhere, poor old Cinderella shits herself inside out. Grim, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Sometimes, real people find their way into the stories. I seem to be a frequent fall guy. Among other things, I’ve been parodied in the form of a chicken which has to have its bum washed. There’s no respect!

Just as I was thinking “Oh well, it’ll be a while before their sister joins in,” I was proved sadly wrong.

The other night, I tucked her in and switched on some lullabies to help her nod off. She started singing along.

“Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,” she sang. I smiled with pride and admiration. Then she sang the next line. “Jack fell down and pooed himself!” Man alive.

While they’ll never make it onto the CBeebies Bedtime Story, the tales of The Brothers Grim have already been passed on to their first enthralled reader.

I’m already dreading what youngest will share with her new friends at nursery. Thanks for that, boys!

1 Comment
  • Nige
    August 29, 2018

    Haha! This actually made me laugh out loud sorry mate. Just couldn’t help it. All I can say is this so typical of boys. Their humour usually ends up in the toilet. Fantastic post mate absolutely loved it

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