My Game of Thrones toddler hell

A Game of Thrones scene with a toddler's face superimposed on a character.

I don’t know about you, but I’m missing Game of Thrones. That is to say that I’m missing the TV show. I’m getting plenty of reminders of it at home. You see, Amelie has taken it upon herself to act like one of the main characters.

One of my wishes for her is that she will always retain her defiant streak. It will serve her well in later life, particularly when she encounters gender inequalities.

Right now though, her determination to do the opposite of what we ask is getting a little wearing. Both her brothers went through similar phases during the terrible twos and beyond, but she’s different. Though she be but little, she is fierce.

Despite knowing full well that you should pick your battles as parents, we have somehow ended up fighting several at once.

The biggest is that of toilet training. There are also subplots relating to sleep, dummies, food, the cat and the concept of possession.

Starting with the Game of Thrones, as I like to call it, we’re getting nowhere with potty training. We have a toddler-sized toilet that used to sing and talk in an intensely irritating voice until someone carelessly lost the tiny screwdriver required for the battery compartment.

We also have a seat that goes on the normal toilet. There are incentives for trying too. But she’s not interested. It’s not a question of not being ready – thanks to her brothers teaching her, she can fart on demand. She only does things on her own terms.

Although an area of some improvement, night time is still an issue. She can get herself to sleep now but almost always wakes up and won’t settle back down in her own bed.

Then there are the dummies. She doesn’t need them anymore but won’t give them up. Again, we’ve tried every parenting trick gleaned over the last seven and a half years but have made no progress.

In addition, she only ever eats one spoonful of the yoghurts she pleads for, seems to think that throwing things at the cat constitutes playing with her and has decided that she is the queen of all she surveys.

So as far as parenting battles go, I admit defeat on all fronts. She’ll probably come round to our way of thinking and I consider that a victory of sorts. In the meantime, it strikes me that we have a mini Daenerys on our hands. Although we would have to change her titles somewhat. Here goes.

Amelie of the House Briggs, the First of Her Name, The Untoilet trained, Queen of Flatulence, Waster of Yoghurts, Protector of Dummies, Lady Regnant of All Possessions, Breaker of Sleep and Tormentor of Cats.

It has a certain ring to it, I’m sure you’ll agree.

What would your kids’ Game of Thrones-style titles be?


  1. John Adams

    Hey, better your daughter is reminiscent of Daenerys tha, say, King Joffrey or Queen Cersei.

    Anyway, seems like you’re having a whole lotta fun there Tom! Good luck with with Amelie. She certainly seems spirited. As for my kids’ Game of Thrones name, I’ll have to come back to you! Been a long week and I can’t think right now!

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