My toddler ladette hell

A baby looking at a pint of beer.

I thought that lad and ladette culture had died a death when the likes of Loaded went out of print and the Farrelly Brothers stopped making films together. How wrong I was. If my two-year-old daughter is anything to go by, it’s making a comeback.

Maybe the warning signs have been around for a while – the image above was taken last year – but let’s look at some more recent evidence…

I had a rude awakening this morning, for example. Amelie had woken up in the night and got in our bed. When the alarm went she sidled up to me as if expecting a cuddle.

Instead of saying “Heyyo Daddy, cuddle!” like she normally does, though, she let rip. Yes, much like the design on retro whoopee cushions, she emitted a real Bronx cheer. Naturally, this was followed with a maniacal cackle. So that was nice.

A retro whoopee cushion.

It was the latest in a string of acts worthy of Men Behaving Badly’s Gary and Tony. As her language continues to evolve unabated, she has been finding new ways of engaging me with banter.

As I mentioned last week, she has already taken to calling me ‘Daddy Pig’. By this logic, that makes her Peppa. Although this would explain some of her rude and insubordinate behaviour, I’m still not happy.

I was more amused by something else she came out with the other day, however. She knocked over the box we keep all the tiny LEGO pieces in. “JESUS CHRIST!” she yelled. I have no idea where she got that from… but Christmas is going to be interesting.

Another staple of lad and ladette culture, of course, is the drinking. Now fret not, even though she has a name that’s common in France, I haven’t been giving her wine. It’s too good to share. No, I’m referring to the actual act of imbibing.

An animated gif of Ted Striker from the film Airplane!

She’s been learning to drink without using a sippy cup and the result is reminiscent of Ted Striker in the Airplane! films.

At first I thought that this was simply because she’s only two years of age and it’s a tricky new skill. But of course it isn’t. That’s just what she wanted me to think. It’s actually a glimpse to the future and her university days.

Dylan and Xander, of course, are welcoming this behaviour with open arms and actively encouraging it, so it seems I have two lads to contend with as well as the ringleader ladette.

So what am I going to do to address this worrying yob-like behaviour? Well, like any self-respecting parent, I’m going to blame someone else, have a cup of tea and wait for all this to blow over.

An animated gif from Shaun of the Dead.


  1. Nige

    Loving this mate great read, I have a ladette in our house and the other has taken to calling me papa why I have no idea I love the Ted Striker scene remember it well.

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