My toddler vandalism hell

A toddler next to some crayon graffiti.

One of the main reasons we chose to live where we do was the low crime rate. We live in a town dominated by bungalows and, therefore, older people so it was always likely to be quieter on that front.

This suits me down to the ground. However, if recent events are anything to go by, we may about to become victims of a crime wave. A one-toddler crime wave.

You see, Amelie has suddenly discovered a fascination with vandalism. Even though it’s at odds with her otherwise gentle nature, I should have seen it coming.

The following picture was taken back in May. She had just been told to stop pulling heads of flowers. Look at her face!

Now we’re no strangers to our possessions getting broken at the hands of little ones. Xander has a frankly impressive record. There is a key difference though.

He has always rendered things obsolete as a result of either over exuberance or trying to see how they work.

Amelie just trashes the house the sake of it. I’m confident of this for a particular reason. She waits to be caught in the act before running away. If it weren’t for the damage she’s caused I would actually admire her chutzpah.

It all started when she began shaking water from a sippy cup onto the TV stand. She was, of course, told to stop but clearly saw this more as a dare than an instruction. She keeps doing it and the wood is already looking worse for wear.

In fact, the TV stand has become quite the toddler crime hotspot. Her second offence was to damage the Xbox by deliberately standing on it. Well, we’re pretty sure it was her. The only witness was Major Clanger and somebody has removed his ears. Suspicious…

A toy Clanger with his ears missing.

Then at the weekend, she surpassed herself. In a two-minute window of opportunity, she scrawled crayon all over the kitchen cupboards. She took a biro to the dishwasher too – presumably crayon didn’t work.

Just to underline her ‘sorry, not sorry’ credentials, she repeated this particular offence. The following day, she smuggled some crayons into her bedroom and went to town on the walls and door.

A cupboard with evidence of toddler vandalism.

We’ve got no idea why she’s doing it. She’s a wonderful little girl who doesn’t go short of attention. She is very well loved and very affectionate towards all of us. She does know what the word ‘no’ means but obviously doesn’t really care.

Maybe it’s just a boundary-testing phase that she’ll grow out of. I hope so as vandalism really doesn’t suit her.

She’ll be two years old next month and we’ve been deliberating over what to get her. I’m beginning to think an ASBO would be a good choice…


  1. Judith

    Brilliant! That face! I’m thinking a play pen maybe? Or maybe you should just embrace it and give her a crowbar, a brick and some cans of spray paint.

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