Autumn is imminent and the memes about why people love it so much are already doing the rounds on Facebook. While there are a few good things to look forward to, I’m not a fan. Here, then, are seven things I hate about autumn…
Let’s just call it what it really is. Aggressive begging. While I’m a big fan of the horror genre, I don’t see why I should stock up on comedy-sized chocolate bars to give to people I barely know. Every year we go to great lengths to appear to be out and every year the misplaced sense of entitlement rocks up on our doorstep. Begone, foul fiends!
Along came a spider
I’ve never been a fan of spiders. Sure, their webs make for Instagram gold but I’ll readily admit that they terrify me. At this time of year, they pop up everywhere. Not just outside either. We get huge house spiders scuttling across our living room floor and I can’t sleep until they’ve been caught and evicted. How very dare they!
Rain, rain, naff off
True, we get it for most of the year in the UK but it does persist it down in autumn. I’ve lost count of the number of times everyone has got soaked on the school run. Then there’s the dog-like smell caused by drying washing indoors. Plus cabin fever and the inevitable sibling squabbles on wet weekends. It’s enough to make anyone go full King Lear at the elements.
Now don’t get me wrong; I love wearing my slippers. But every few years, I have to buy a new pair. Herein lies the problem. I’ve written about the trauma that is finding the perfect pair of slippers before and am already psyching myself up for several failed trips to the shops and lost hours online. I’m beginning to think there’s a conspiracy against me.
Leaf me alone
What can I possibly have against the spectacle of different colours falling from the trees, I hear you ask. Okay, they are aesthetically pleasing. But it’s what lies beneath once they’ve floated delicately to the pavement. The dog poo is still there, but you can’t see it. The presence of leaves transforms a simple stroll to the shops into a lottery that nobody wants to win.
Apart from making it easier to get the kids to bed, there’s little that’s good about shorter days. Despite the Morrissey-like tone of this post I’m generally quite cheerful but not so much in autumn. It really affects my mood. Getting up in the dark isn’t fun. Neither is looking out the window in mid afternoon to see the gloom creeping in. Ugh.
The C word
No, not that one, you filthmongers. I’m talking about the popular celebration at the end of the year. My problem with this isn’t the day itself but the hype that has already started. Last week I saw cards for sale in one shop. It was still summer, FFS! If autumn is so brilliant, why do so many people spend it looking forward to one day in winter rather than losing their shit over eating soup again?
What do you love or hate about autumn?