Five sayings that make no sense

A large number of lemons with the heading "Five sayings that make no sense" superimposed.

I slept well one day last week. Amazing, I know. While Kate and I were doing the obligatory comparing of notes regarding quality of sleep, I used a common phrase. I immediately realised that it didn’t actually express what I meant. Quite the opposite, in fact. So, starting with said example, here are five sayings that make no sense.

I slept like a baby

Unless you sporadically flung three limbs in the air for no apparent reason, woke the entire house several times in the night, achieved an alarmingly high decibel level and shat yourself, you definitely did not sleep like a baby. That’s a good thing though.

I cried like a baby

Admittedly, this is similar to the first one, but it’s still worthy of inclusion. So the sad bit in the film you watched last night made you tilt your head back and repeatedly scream “WAAA! WAAA! WAAA!” until someone fed you did it? I’ll just make a mental note not to go to the cinema with you.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade

I appreciate the sentiment behind this one, but how exactly are you supposed to do this? It assumes that life has given you other ingredients including sugar when, clearly, it hasn’t. Plus it’s a bit of a ball ache to make. Particularly if you’re already annoyed. Just go and buy some lemonade. Or, better still, wine.

There’s no use crying over spilt milk

Yes there bloody is! Have you any idea how big an area a four-pint bottle can cover? Well I’ve seen it submerge the entire kitchen floor when one of the kids ‘helped’ unpack the shopping. I had to remove the kickboards and went without tea. That’s definitely worth sobbing over.

It’s always in the last place you look

There are five of us living in a three-bedroom house and we all have an obscene amount of stuff. Consequently, it’s easy to misplace things and I often spend ages looking for them. Of course they’re in the last chuffing place I look! Why on earth would I carry on searching after achieving what I’d set out to do? Argh!

There are plenty more sayings that make no sense, of course. Which ones annoy you the most?


  1. Nige

    Excellent Tom, this made me smile in total agreement, after what has been a tough day, the milk, how right you are mate fab read

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