Are my kids plotting against me?

Three young children apparently plotting against their dad.

I’m not a naturally suspicious person, but something has been troubling me recently. I think my kids may be plotting against me. It’s not just one of them either. All three of the little darlings are in on it. It all started last week when I found this on my desk.

A post shared by Tom Briggs (@diaryofthedad) on

Yes, it’s Harry Potter’s old enemy Voldemort. I’m reliably informed that he’s putting an Adada Kedavra curse on me. So that’s nice. I’m still here though so needless to say it didn’t work.

That wasn’t the end though. A few days later, the same little artist came back from school with this charming creation. I’m not sure who it’s supposed to be, but it’s saying “I’m going to destroy you.” And those are angry eyebrows.

A paper person with a speech bubble saying "I'm going to destroy you."

Yesterday, meanwhile, this happened.

Given the other stuff that has gone on this week, I have to question whether Amelie somehow engineered my trip.

Then, only this morning, I thought I overheard the boys talking about me behind my back. It was my turn to do the school run and they have previous for making it something of a challenge for me. “Let’s run away from Daddy for a laugh. Here’s the plan,” was the phrase I thought I heard.

The school run went without a hitch and I had forgotten about it until I made another discovery. Their Plan. They had mapped out how they intended to give me the slip. The little gits!

Apparently it involved Dylan acquiring a T-shirt with the slogan “Poo!” on it, getting his hair done in teased spikes and descending from a zip wire. Elaborate, yes, but it’s there in black and white.

A child's drawing depicting a plan to run off during the school run.

This all leaves me with only one option. I’m going to need to start sleeping with one eye open. And with Amelie still of the mind that sleep is for the weak, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

Am I paranoid or are are they plotting something?

Do your kids plot against you?


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