Five kids’ products I’ve lived to regret buying

Two sets of toy chattering teeth holding a bunch of five pound notes.

Something I never cease to amaze myself with is my propensity to buy things that I soon end up regretting. Take this weekend, for example. We were in a charity shop and spotted a practically new Mouse Trap game.

I always wanted it as a child but wasn’t allowed. Despite that, I had held a fondness for it. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be though. An hour later, I understood why my parents were reluctant. It’s a bloody nightmare!

Here are a few more kids’ products I’ve lived to regret buying…

The talking toilet

We had heard great things about potty training products like this so gladly paid around £20. It turns out that the people who made it were taking the piss. So to speak. The first irritation was when it turned out to have an American voice. This isn’t usually an issue but, even with the same language, things can get lost in translation. One lyric proudly proclaimed that “Going potty’s just so great.” Erm, no it’s not. Then it went haywire, throwing out reward stickers like confetti. £20 down the pan.

Mike the Knight playsets

I’ve never liked the self-centred little embarrassment to medieval chivalry, but the boys liked him and asked for the playsets. As a result, we now have a surrogate four horsemen of the appocalypse. It will take an epic quest to locate all the small parts and the castles may as well be in ruins as they’ve been abandoned so long.

The hair washing bucket thing

This promised to be the answer to our bathtime battles. A bucket with a rubber headband-like bit which, in theory, keeps water out of little ones’ eyes. As The Fast Show’s befuddled scientist Denzil Dexter would put it, though, the results were disappointing. We now use it to keep a portion of shelf dust free.

Peppa Pig colour-in fuzzy felts

There were so many annoyances surrounding this purchase. Obviously, the first of these was that it included Peppa Pig. The fuzzy felts wouldn’t take any ink, but the boys did. Had it been marketed as a Peppa Pig tattoo set, I wouldn’t have minded. The pesky things wouldn’t stick either – whether coloured in or not. Other toys of this type have been fine. Conclusion? Four legs good, two legs bad.

The swanky high chair

I’ve already sworn twice in this post, so I’ll just say that there’s one consonant too many in the heading above. We bought this second hand as a spare to use at the in-laws’ house. It looked very nice, but was all style and no substance. The seat only had one position which was far too reclined and the legs were tripping hazards. Unbelievably, we sold this and at a profit despite a brutally honest write-up on eBay. Apparently, I’m not the only one with more money than sense.

Which kids’ products have you lived to regret buying?

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