The well of lost soles

A lion surrounded by stolen clothes.

I’ve always been fairly obsessive about taking care of my possessions and not losing them. As a result, recent events have been a test of my resolve. Both Dylan and Xander have started losing school uniform with alarming frequency.

I should have seen it coming last year when Dylan temporarily lost his hat on the school roof. It started again a month or two ago when Xander came home wearing shoes that weren’t his.

To be fair on him – and the other child who must have ended up with his – they were pretty similar. Although his did have his name written in them. Despite our best efforts to find out the identity of his sole mate – sorry, not sorry – he’s still wearing them.

Not to be outdone by his little brother, Dylan decided to go one better shortly before Christmas. He came home without his jumper. Of course, December is synonymous with sweltering temperatures and the need to remove layers. When asked why and where he took it off, he couldn’t remember.

A further line of inquiry focused on his locker. Could it be in there? He reported that he hadn’t been able to thoroughly examine it. Perhaps foolishly, I had assumed that said locker was of standard size. This got me wondering whether it may actually be the door to Narnia. Perhaps there was a ruddy great lion gamboling around in his green jumper?

Sadly not, but we did find it in the end – without recourse to mug a talking beaver. I asked whether I could look through the locker. Naturally, it wasn’t there. It was at this point that Dylan suddenly remembered that there was a class lost property box. It was in there, of course. Man alive.

Since then, a Spider-Man hat has gone missing, as has a white school T-shirt. According to a Facebook group set up by other parents, one of Xander’s plimsolls went on an overnight jolly to another child’s house. In fact, said group is a veritable treasure trove of such sartorial stories.

Then there’s the airing cupboard at home. I can’t exclusively blame the boys for this as there are odd socks belonging to everyone in there. A well of lost soles, if you will. Maybe Aslan has managed to infiltrate that, seeking a warm retreat from the chilly environs of his homeland and, with it, various garments to don. She-Ra has been known to do this, so it’s feasible.

Thieving bastard.


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