One of the joys of working from home is that I don’t hear too many Christmas songs too early. Still, as we’re getting closer to the big day, I’ve been enjoying a few here and there. The likes of Slade, Wizzard and The Darkness have, of course, got a decent amount of airtime. There are certain tracks, however, that are going nowhere near my Christmas playlist. And, yes, they are mostly for rather odd reasons.
Although infinitely more reliable than Southern Rail, the prospect of a one-horse open sleigh doesn’t hold much appeal for me. You would be completely exposed to the elements and desperately hoping that the horse doesn’t get bored. Then there’s the bells. Jingle all the way? No thank you – tinnitus isn’t on my wishlist either.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
I’ve always had a problem with this song. The other reindeer mock Rudolph and exclude him from fun. Then, when he saves their arses, they miraculously change their tune. Their love for him is conditional on him stopping them losing their Christmas bonuses. He shouldn’t take that – they’re a bunch of gits who don’t deserve him as a friend. And, yes, maybe a few unresolved issues from the first two years at secondary school came out there.
Driving Home for Christmas
This song has never really done it for me and I hadn’t worked out why. I thought it must be something to do with the fact I’ve never learned to drive and was somehow missing some vital nuances in the lyrics, but not so. No, it’s because I reckon he’s insincere. I recently realised that it was none other than Chris Rea who also wrote Road to Hell!
As well as having a name that has become Cockney rhyming slang for something else, Eartha Kitt doesn’t make my playlist. Why? Well she sounds like she’s trying to seduce Saint Nic and that’s just wrong on so many levels. Think of all the presents that wouldn’t get delivered if he slipped a sable under her tree. So to speak.
And anything by Cliff Richard
Which festive songs will you be avoiding?