Seven more annoying things babies do

A baby demonstrating three more annoying things babies do.

Earlier this year, I wrote a post about the annoying things that babies do. At the time, Amelie was not quite five months old and, therefore, not particularly mobile. Now, however, she’s walking everywhere and getting into everything. As a result, she has reminded me of seven more annoying things babies do.

Emptying things

In the same way Sam Beckett is driven by an unknown force to change history for the better in Quantum Leap, small children seem to be programmed to do the exact opposite with storage furniture and loo rolls. I often wonder whether babies have a friend only they can see telling them there’s a 72% chance that something good will happen if they clear out the sideboard. Oh boy!

Bin diving

Akin to the previous misdemeanour, babies seem to think that the bin is a gift that keeps on giving. As well as being a lucky dip and a feast for the senses, it also seems to be a useful place to hide dummies and treasured toys. Argh!

Pants on parade

One of the worst first world problems about autumn and winter is having to dry the washing indoors. Alongside this is having a baby who has taken a shine to the airing rack. They merrily take other people’s pants for a walk. They must think the machine has done a bad job at times too as they’ll drop clean items in the bath while you’re having a shower.

“It wasn’t me!”

A photo posted by Tom Briggs (@diaryofthedad) on

Lemming at ’em

Once the carpet has been conquered, the only way is up. Then forward again. The only problem is that higher surfaces have distinctly smaller surface areas so the only way is down. This results in scenes reminiscent of the classic computer game Lemmings. Make sure you equip your little one with an umbrella before letting them near the sofa…

Holistic cleaning

I’ll give them this. Babies appear to have one eye on reducing their parents’ energy bills. They care little for fancy things like vacuum cleaners. Instead, they pick up small morsels and scraps of whatever and eat them. Of course, they will wait for a parent to make eye contact before doing so. They’re not animals after all.

Pushing buttons

I’m talking literally and figuratively here, of course. Ah, that wonderful stage when they learn not only that playing with the remote control gets a reaction, but specifically which button to press to spark the most entertaining indignant reaction from older siblings. Bless ’em!

Swearing

Whether it’s completely by accident when trying to talk or as a result of repeating some of your regrettable utterances, they all seem to have potty mouths. Worse still, you can’t laugh or, indeed, accidentally teach them further expletives when things go wrong in their presence. How very dare they!

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