Back on track… well almost

A toy train packed with toy people.

I’ve been back in the world of employment for just over a week and am finding my feet, getting to know my colleagues and starting to get my head round what I’ve been brought in to do. It’s all good. Well almost. You see, with the return of work comes the return of my nemesis. Trains or, more specifically, the people on and around them.

So far, I’ve had an irrational desire to strangle five fellow commuters, had one train cancelled, been blasted with deodorant, elbowed to within an inch of my own sanity and had one return journey stop tantalisingly close to home and drive back to the last station because, apparently, somebody threw their shopping on the track. What is wrong with people?!

The doors seem to be the things that make otherwise intelligent-looking people act like complete morons. There are those who stand there repeatedly jabbing the button to open them when it isn’t yet illuminated and those who look tormented by the fact that said button lights up and bleeps once the train has stopped. What does it mean?! Not to forget the souls who think that boarding is a cross between The Hunger Games and musical chairs…

Then there are the idiots with absolutely no spatial awareness. They get everywhere. Sitting down with the expectation of a pleasant journey? You fool! There’s a fat businessman who seems to think he’s a lapdancer and you’re a punter. Trying to get off the train? You can’t, because there are three of the bell ends forming a wall along the platform. Trying to get through the ticket barriers? No chance. There’s a guy who’s bustled his way in front of you only to realise that his ticket is at the bottom of his bag. Argh!

What about the ones who spend about ten minutes standing up, hanging coats, stowing luggage, emptying pockets and adjusting themselves? Sit down! And the spray-toting smelly people? It’s not going to help you! You’re going to end up smelling of deodorant AND body odour. The people loudly yabbering away on the phone? We don’t need to know about your sex life!

I would say I’ve missed this, but that would be about as sincere as the recorded announcements stating how riddled with guilt the rail operator is that you’re going to have a cold dinner again.

My journey in is only half an hour. I’m going halfway up the country next week…

Comments

  1. Tom @Ideas4Dads (And Mums Too!)

    Good to hea its all going well. Ive had nearly all these happen/see them so with you on thisone 110%

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      Tom

      Cheers Tom! Glad I’m not alone in this – but it begs the question where all the other normal people like us are on the trains!

  2. Tom @Ideas4Dads (And Mums Too!)

    Ha ha the penny just dropped on the title. You cant beat a nice commute to get you into the right frame of mind in the morning 😉

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  3. Jonathan

    Congratulations on your new job! The commute to work really does look like it involves being crammed into a very tight space indeed judging by the picture you’ve included with this blog post 🙂

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      Tom

      Thanks Jonathan. To be honest, my recreation isn’t that much of an exaggeration – there are only two coaches on my train and they’re supposed to be enough for 60 miles’ worth of passengers!

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      Tom

      Cheers John. Yes, it’s a shorter commute than my last one, which is something. Just a shame that they only allow two coaches for hundreds of people!

  4. tarcey @ mummyshire

    Ah, how beautifully put – especially those fat old businessmen in pinstripes who seem to magically expand to full the space around them, even if you’re sitting next to them they can just spread. Yuk!
    I dont’ envy you the journey at all, having commuted for 20 yrs in London. Maybe you could do a couple working-from-home days, it eases the commuter pain I’ve found!

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      Tom

      They’re grim aren’t they? They seem to just ooze into any available space. Ugh! Working from home regularly isn’t really an option for me, but my journey isn’t that long. I probably wouldn’t even notice the time spent on the train if it weren’t for some of the people on it!

  5. @SarahAnneDG

    Oh yes, I felt every pain in this. I’ve just had to deal with the shambles that was the rail provision for the Commonwealth Games…how I didn’t flip out and start shoving people off the platform I don’t know…

    #PoCoLo

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      Tom

      Oh, things like that always put me out! I hate, hate, hate it when there are vast crowds of people on commuter trains when they could get later ones. Bet you’re glad the games are over now! 😉

  6. Jaime Oliver

    *snort* can i just say this is why i HATE trains! for someone with borderline OCD the kind of people that normal humans sometimes turn into is scary!

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      Tom

      You and me both! I’m starting to wonder if there’s something in the on-train air conditioning that causes a few otherwise normal people to act like complete tools!

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