An open letter to potential employers on transfer deadline day

A goal being scored with no players anywhere in sight
Well you can guess what my goal is…

Dear potential employers,

I know I only wrote to you last week, but as it’s transfer deadline day and because my Dad always explained everything to me via the medium of football analogies when I was young, I thought I’d try combining these two facts and try to turn them to my advantage.

Three weeks from today, I’ll be out of contract, but can probably be acquired on a free transfer before then, so you don’t need to wait to make your move if you feel I would be a good signing.

I’m a creative attacker with bags of flair as well as pace to burn. I can play anywhere in an advanced position or pulling the strings from the middle of the park. I link well with team mates, but am also capable of virtuoso solo efforts. I can negotiate tricky opponents with skill and grace, have the vision to intercept threats to my team and possess strong tactical awareness.

I’m happy to play out of position for the good of the team too. For example, I once deputised ‘between the sticks’ for a media team during a PR crisis that the tabloids were having a field day with and, despite some testing attempts from close quarters and one absolute piledriver from range, kept a clean sheet.

I have an impeccable disciplinary record and seldom miss fixtures through injury. If European competition is on the cards, I can hold my own particularly well against French- and German-speaking teams.

I have won two trophies in my career to date and claimed two top ten finishes. I’ve also been called up alongside some of my fellow countrymen for a rather big international event this summer.

I’m quick on my feet, hardworking, dedicated and loyal and believe I could be the signing of the season for the right team.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Kind regards,

Tom

P.S. If you have a work football team, I’m not bad at that either.

Comments

    1. Post
      Author
      Tom

      Cheers Tom! I’m trying a few long range efforts at the moment, so we’ll see if one hits the target! 😉

    1. Post
      Author
  1. Jonathan

    Did you get a phone call from Harry Redknapp yesterday? You could have tried adopting the Peter Odemwingie approach and just driven up to an office where you’d like to work to see if they’d take you on… More seriously, good luck in the job search.

    1. Post
      Author
      Tom

      The call never came, Jonathan. I think he was too busy hanging round in his car waiting for a Sky Sports reporter to notice him. I like your suggested approach; think I’ll station myself outside the place I most want to work and start crafting compelling copy near the CEO’s parking space!

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