Xander has recently realised that there is more than one way of inflicting injury on me. Yay him! Whereas he could – well, still can, to be honest – be relied upon to regularly give me a hearty whack round the face or well-executed kick to the nether regions, his development into what I believe psychologists would call the ‘tool-use’ stage has witnessed a shift in his focus of this strange way that little ones seem to enjoy showing their affection. Yes, he’s getting himself tooled up with some weapons. They’re unlikely ones though…
Strange that the Americans call these ‘pacifiers’ – I’m anything but after he has deliberately dragged one up my arm, removing plenty of hair in the process. He has also realised the ballistic capabilities of these seemingly benign objects and is now hell-bent on causing that baby’s favourite act of parent maiming – namely the corneal abrasion – from range.
First words book
This friendly, pocket-sized offering has cute pictures of some of the first few words that children of his age are likely to learn. Apple, flower, shoes and ball ought to be replaced with some of the comic book words popular during Adam West’s tenure as Batman though. I think biff, kapow, thunk and awk would be more apt given what the little Boy Wonder does with it. The pen, it would seem, is most definitely mightier than the sword.
They’re designed to be safe for young children to use – but they don’t half pack a punch. Particularly when full. This trick has also been replicated with the baby monitor – he got Kate good and proper with it the other day. He’s obviously taking exception to us listening in on him.
I hate spiders but won’t kill them. We therefore have one of those weird spider vacuums that you catch and release them with. It’s shaped like a lightsaber and my little Skywalker has already grasped its melee potential. I’m sure he’ll soon discover that he can add to the authenticity by switching on the vacuum when he swings it about in the general direction of my shins.
Harmless pre-dinner snacks eh? I think not! He’s clocked that these can be used to target all sorts of various vulnerable areas and also that, if bitten off in a certain way, that they make effective shanks. I’m thinking about letting him have his way and empty all the drawers, cupboards and shelves after all…
What about your kids? Which seemingly harmless household objects have they used against you?