You know you’re a typical parent when…

A typical parent having their face grabbed by a one-year-old child.

I have found more and more lately that I am becoming what I previously thought of as a typical parent. This particular edition of my random musings begins with an injury that may make you wince. Probably in a similar way to how I did.

Dylan decided that it would be fun to poke me in the eye the other night. When I say ‘poke’, what I actually mean is ‘jab really hard, fingernail first’. The pain was immense. Fortunately, everything seems back to normal as I write this a couple of days later.

I couldn’t open my eye properly at first. When I did, I had the same aversion to light as a vampire. Not the pathetic wimpy type that shimmers in sunshine, you understand, but a proper angry one that bites people.

Kate looked up my symptoms online and concluded that I had what clever types call a corneal abrasion. She was amused to observe that, under the named causes, inquisitive small children were top of the list. Ha bloody ha!

Anyway, I should be thankful that it’s taken laddo over a year to inflict the first really painful injury I have suffered at his hands. Of course, there have been numerous scratches and kicks in the unmentionables along the way. These are just some of the tell-tale signs to those who don’t know you that you are the parent of a young child.

I’ve also found that the majority of my points of reference in life now come from children’s television. The other morning, for example, a colleague caught me pulling up my trousers. I’ve not lost weight, they’ve just got too stretched. My immediate response was “I’m just like the Tombliboos when they’re on the Ninky Nonk.” Sad eh?

Speaking of television, I literally just found myself telling Dylan not to get so close to it with the immortal line “It’s bad for your eyes.” Oh dear. I’ve also caught myself using the phrases “It’s not a toy” and “Come on, you’ve had your fun” quite often.

I think most mums and dads would agree that the biggest indicator of being a typical parent, however, is tiredness. I often used to stay up until gone midnight playing Xbox games. These days, even on the occasions in which I haven’t nodded off in front of the television, I shun the console for some lovely sleep – and disturbed dreams of being beaten up by a cute one year old.


  1. mrs bellers

    Haha that post made me chuckle, its so true, even though my lil one is only 17 weeks she has tried fingers up the nose narrowly missed my eye (thankfully I had my glasses on at the time) but the tiredness is true also. Even though she now goes through the night, i have to get up just to check, just to make sure that i can still see her chest rise and falling. I thought when they slept through I would. So so wrong!!

  2. Paul

    George likes to ride his sit-on train in and out of Daddy’s legs and as he has grown it’s no longer the fun it once was. Good thing is, unlike a poke in the eye, I can see him coming from a mile off and take preventative action. Like Dylan he also gets too close to the TV, but more annoyingly he has managed to break the remote and has the habit of pressing the ‘off’ button if it is anything other than CBeebies.

  3. Tom Briggs

    So true, Mrs B! You long for them to sleep through and when they do you have to check every five minutes!

    Think I got off lightly with a poke in the eye then, Paul. That said, George’s actions sound as though they made the eyes water. 🙂

  4. Pingback: Violence is golden... according to my sons - Family life - Diary of the Dad

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