If you believe what you see in films and television, you’re in for a bit of a surprise when your first child is born. They would have you believe that the mum-to-be has to push for about 20 seconds – barely breaking a sweat – before their bundle of joy emerges gracefully to the sound of uplifting music.
My son, Dylan, arrived with the same poise and grace that Mr Bean does at the start of each episode; after the decisive push there was a slight pause before Briggs junior faceplanted his way into the world. As the deluge of emotions and thoughts going through my head took their firm grip, the ‘soundtrack’ I had in my mind was that of a whoosh and thud as he flew head first onto the hospital bed. This ‘score’ was closely followed by the morose choir tune that accompanies the arrival of Rowan Atkinson’s popular social misfit.
The baby books tell you that your offspring may not appear how you expect them to at first – they’re not wrong! Immediately after his Bean-esque appearance, Dylan’s cord was cut by yours truly and he was presented to us. He was blue. While he quickly turned the right colour, there was still time for another comic aside courtesy of what the midwives did to keep him warm – they put a knotted white piece of Tubigrip on his head to act as a makeshift hat. This, of course, had the desired effect but also made him look like a Smurf!
If these initial impressions are anything to go by, he’s either going to be a resourceful odd-ball with a silly voice or will live in a mushroom; another brave little soldier in the war against Gargamel. Time will tell…