Growing up in a small town with humble beginnings, I never imagined I’d find myself grappling with the complexities of social mobility and class identity. Yet here I am, living what many would consider a very comfortable middle-class life, complete with a decent job and the trappings of financial stability. But beneath this veneer of success lies a persistent unease – a nagging sense of guilt that I’ve somehow betrayed my working-class roots.
This internal struggle is far from unique. Many who’ve experienced upward social mobility find themselves caught between two worlds, wrestling with conflicting emotions and ingrained habits.
In this article, I’ll explore the challenges of navigating this transition, share personal insights, and offer guidance for others on a similar journey.
I’m not asking for sympathy here by the way, by problems are miniscule in the grand scheme of things, but nevertheless, working-class guilt is a real thing.
The Lingering Shadow of Working-Class Mindset
Despite my current circumstances, I often find myself unable to shake off the mentality of someone constantly struggling to make ends meet. This manifests in various ways:
- Holiday Anxiety: The thought of spending money on vacations fills me with stress, even when I can objectively afford it.
- Constant Vigilance: I meticulously watch every pound I spend when dining out or socialising.
- Work Obsession: Taking time off work feels like an unjustifiable luxury, even when I’m entitled to it.
- Frugality Fixation: I struggle to justify purchases that aren’t strictly necessary, even when they would improve my quality of life.
This mindset, while born from necessity in my youth, now acts as a self-imposed limitation. It’s a constant reminder of where I came from, but also a barrier to enjoying my current reality.
The Guilt of ‘Moving Up’
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of social mobility is the sense that I’ve somehow betrayed my origins. This guilt can come out as:
- Imposter Syndrome: Feeling like I don’t truly belong in my current social circles or professional environment.
- Survivor’s Guilt: Wondering why I’ve ‘made it’ while others I grew up with are no farther ahead.
- Identity Crisis: Struggling to reconcile my working-class upbringing with my current lifestyle.
- Fear of Judgement: Worrying that old friends and family might see me as having ‘gotten above my station’.
This guilt can be paralysing, making it difficult to take full advantage of opportunities or enjoy hard-earned successes. It’s a constant balancing act between honouring my roots and allowing myself to grow.
Practical Strategies for Managing Working-Class Guilt
Overcoming ingrained habits and thought patterns as described above isn’t easy, but there are practical steps we can take:
- Mindful Spending: Learn to differentiate between unnecessary splurges and investments in your well-being or experiences. One is mindless excess, the other is a luxury you can afford and are entitled to enjoy, but is also good for you.
- Balanced Work Ethic: Strive to maintain a strong work ethic while also prioritising work-life balance and self-care. Have you worked hard? Great. Now enjoy your day off. You’ve earned it.
- Open Communication: Have honest conversations with family and friends about your changing circumstances and feelings. Especially those you feel you have ‘left behind’.
- Seek Support: If guilt is seriously impacting your life, consider talking to a therapist. This may seem like another example of you betraying your roots, but therapy is for everyone. It’s about airing your feelings to better understand them.
Redefining Success and Worth
One of the most crucial steps in overcoming working-class guilt is redefining our notions of success and personal worth:
- Beyond Material Measures: Recognising that success isn’t solely about financial status or job titles.
- Valuing Experiences: Learning to appreciate and invest in experiences rather than just tangible possessions.
- Personal Growth: Focusing on personal development and fulfilment as key indicators of success.
- Community Contribution: Finding worth in how we contribute to our communities and help others.
By broadening our definition of success, we can alleviate some of the pressure and guilt associated with social mobility.
The Generation Gap: Raising Middle Class Children
As a parent, I find myself in the unique position of raising children in circumstances vastly different from my own upbringing.
While I’m grateful to provide them with opportunities I never had, it also brings new concerns. About them. I have deliberately worked to improve their chances in life, to give them a better start, but I simultaneously worry about the consequences of that.
- Work Ethic Worries: I fear my children won’t develop the same strong work ethic that was necessary for my own survival and success.
- Entitlement Anxiety: There’s a constant worry that growing up in comfort might lead to a sense of entitlement or lack of appreciation for what they have.
- Value Disconnect: I struggle to instil the values I learned through hardship in an environment of relative abundance.
- Relatability Concerns: I worry about my ability to relate to my children’s experiences, which are so different from my own childhood.
Navigating this generational shift requires a delicate balance between providing opportunities and instilling important values.
I also need to constantly remind myself that it’s impossible for them to understand hardship in the way I do, because they haven’t lived it. So getting angry when they behave in a way that I deem to be spoiled is not a fair reaction.
Passing on Values
For those of us raising children in more comfortable circumstances than we experienced, there are ways to instil important values without replicating hardship:
- Open Dialogue: Have honest conversations about your background and the realities of different socioeconomic experiences. That doesn’t mean boring your kids with “When I were a lad…” type stories, but sharing memories and pictures of your childhood so they can imagine your upbringing.
- Volunteer Work: Engage in community service as a family to build empathy and social awareness, as well as an appreciation for what your kids have.
- Financial Literacy: Teach children about budgeting, saving, and the value of money from an early age. This will help them a lot in later life as well as broadening their minds now.
- Encourage Independence: Create opportunities for children to earn their own money and make financial decisions. Teach them that work = reward.
By actively working to pass on values, we can bridge the gap between our experiences and our children’s.
Accept Your New Identity
Ultimately, navigating social mobility involves accepting that you have a new identity. It can still honour your past, but shouldn’t betray your present. Your future is the result of your past, every part of it. You wouldn’t be you without all of your experiences, not just your earliest ones.
- Integrate Experiences: Find ways to blend the valuable lessons from your working-class background with your current circumstances.
- Redefine Class: Challenge rigid notions of class identity and recognise that your experiences span multiple categories.
- Embrace Complexity: Accept that your identity is multifaceted and doesn’t need to fit neatly into one box.
- Continuous Growth: View your journey as an ongoing process of growth and self-discovery rather than a destination.
- Don’t Apologise: Never apologise for who you are now. Especially not to people who have less than you. It’s patronising and narcissistic. No one else cares about this as much as you.
Navigating social mobility and dealing with working-class guilt is often challenging. But it’s also an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and making a positive impact. By acknowledging our struggles, embracing our roots, and actively working to bridge worlds, we can not only find peace with our own journey but also contribute to a more understanding and equitable society.
Remember, your experiences – all of them – are valuable. They’ve shaped you into who you are today and given you a unique perspective that can benefit both you and those around you.
