It never ceases to amaze me how my kids are able to get one over on me. Despite being obviously older and allegedly wiser than them, they all record regular victories over me.
Alarmingly, I have just realised that a large number of these are while they are asleep. Yes, they can literally beat me with their eyes shut. Oh dear. Here are five ways my kids outwit me while asleep…
Amelie is still difficult to get to sleep and fights it every inch of the way. As a result, it’s quite easy to wake her up from downstairs in the immediate aftermath of her dropping off. She knows this and leaves a trap. A minefield of electronic toys switched on and scattered carefully across the living room floor. If I make it to the sofa without being serenaded first by a singing cat and then Amelie via the baby monitor, it’s a minor miracle.
Sofa so good?
If I’m able to negotiate the first challenge there is another equally fiendish task ahead. The perilous act of sitting on the sofa. Thanks to Dylan and Xander’s refusal to accept that it isn’t actually a trampoline, it’s not as comfy as it once was. Indeed, the other night I slumped into it after a particularly testing bedtime battle and a spring went. I’m still miffed at the injustice of this.
Figure it out
If I manage to sit down without another spring going or the existing damaged one making an almighty bang, there’s another problem. You see, all three kids enjoy stashing things behind the cushions. It’s a common occurrence to sit down on some Batman figures or to get a Clangers slide whistle stabbing me in the lower back.
If all of these obstacles are overcome, it’s time for TV. Or is it? Amelie is a dab hand at hiding the remote control. She doesn’t put it in the same place each time either. Kate and I have found ourselves searching for it for up to ten minutes. Invariably, this happens when we’re planning on watching live football. Argh!
On the rare occasions in which I’ve successfully avoided all of the above-mentioned pitfalls and not fallen asleep in front of the telly, I stay up to play video games. I should rephrase that. I intend to stay up to play video games. Dylan and Xander are pass masters at the twin offences of draining batteries and not telling us. This results in a frantic search of the aforementioned electronic toys for alternative batteries. This, of course, takes us full circle. Sigh.
So there you go. Five ways my kids outwit me while asleep. Do your kids outmanoeuvre you? What are their methods?