I was doing some tidying yesterday when I was hit by a realisation. I’m losing my soft edge. I found a mountain of kid art and had no hesitation in putting it in the recycling bin. Normally, I would go through every last one and rescue a few, but not this time. In they went with the empty plastic milk bottles and Tory election propaganda.
This, alongside other recent evidence has led me to the belief that I’m becoming The Evil Dad. Okay, I’m not evil. Far from it. I think I’ve just become more businesslike. But ‘The Slightly Less Soft Dad’ has less of a ring to it. Plus, given the number of posts I’ve written based on horror films, it’s pretty rude that I haven’t acknowledged Sam Raimi’s classic until my seventh year of blogging.
Anyway, here’s further said evidence.
At the weekend, I spent hours finding all the pieces of Dylan’s LEGO Batmobile and putting it together for him. He wanted it to be assembled but was, and I quote, “too tired”. This level of fatigue didn’t stop him from regularly checking on my progress and telling me to hurry up, of course.
Once the Dark Knight’s motor was fixed, I gave serious thought to sticking the bloody thing together with superglue. Yes, I know that’s what the baddie in The LEGO Movie does with the ‘Kragle’, but I didn’t care. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to search the whole house for pieces and remake it.
Rewind a few weeks and there is another parenting crime to confess to. I ate one of the kids’ Easter eggs. In my defence, they had a ridiculous number of them. Plus my teeth have already had it. And my mum has type two diabetes. Oh, and there was no wine in the house. “I’ll swallow your soul!” shriek the grotesque enemies in the aforementioned cult film. I wouldn’t go that far, but I had no qualms about swallowing a chocolate egg!
Back to yesterday and Xander came home from school with a rather unusual present for me. An actual bag of dirt. His class had been enjoying a forest school afternoon and he thought I’d want a souvenir. Try as I might, I couldn’t hide my WTF? face and didn’t try and sugar coat it. He knows my feelings on mud kitchens after all.
The last time I slept well on a regular basis was almost seven years ago. Has the cumulative sleep deprivation finally taken its toll? It’s the best explanation I can muster for my shift into no-nonsense parenting.
So am I The Evil Dad? Of course not. I love my kids to bits and will probably let them get away with more than I should. But I’ve become less of a soft touch and am quietly pleased to have done so.
Hail to the king, baby.